Three weeks ago I rejoiced after my Board Examinations ended .With great ideas and plans almost spilling out of my head , I was sure a crazy summer awaited me though the Indian sytem of education wants to torture a seventeen year old with AIPMT, AFMC, AIIMS,CET and other irksome entrance examinations required to get into esteemed medical colleges. I decided I wouldn’t buckle under their pressure and would definitely keep some (= majority) time for relaxing.
Haha those plans and ideas seemed to have faded somehow. Maybe due to the oppressive weather. Maybe due to some family issues. Maybe because I’m too lazy. Maybe the noveltly of the freedom wore off within a span of a week. Whatever it is, all I have been doing is brooding and analysing ; true to my nature. Not to mention the obvious, my guitar and good music keeps me going. Meeting close pals in the evening , movies, books, practice tests , Facebook and well now this blog has also contributed.
I pray regularly, especially for my grandad who is suffering from neuro-endocrinal cancer. Cliched as it sounds, I have realised that the power which we worship, commonly known as God, can be a faithful and comforting friend. Infact better than those who cut themselves off from you just randomly. (I have this tendency to ramble, so bear with it.) Sometimes I really wonder if I’m a good friend. Maybe my efforts to show genuine concern and affection come across as annoying. (Oh! She is such a pain.) I admit I’m touchy and senstive and tend to overreact sometimes but come on, absurd behaviours irk me. However as Mum says, one ought to be thick-skinned under these circumstances and not care too much. Hard as it is for someone as touchy as me, I’m trying my best to follow her advice.
I have a good power of imagination. I imagine I’m performing for an audience that seems endless. A sea of appreciative and receptive individuals who are enjoying my compositions. It’s amazing. It can actually happen. Hard work and determination can pay off. At this moment, this picture gives me great satisfaction.
I need to keep boredom away. These thoughts flit in and out of my head and tend to keep that monster away.
But they trouble me at night. Stupid as it sounds I cry for no reason at times.